0 to 60...

Well, been awhile since I've written anything here.  Guess I should pick up where I left off.  In June we did a test priming run and it worked out well. My levels went up as they should, I made my very own little egg (insert clucking here), it did what it's supposed to do and from what the nurse told me, the Doctor did a little happy dance of his own.

From June 28th on was a whole different story.  My levels wouldn't rise even if it meant they would save my life.  From that starting point up until July 12th, no change.  I was getting frustrated because I couldn't understand why it went to smoothly last month but not this time around.  Well, starting from the 12th I went to a vial and half dose of Menopur.  Re-tested on the 15th and went from under 20 result to a result "of" 20.  Okay, didn't tell me how much I went up but that stupid sign was gone, which made me happy.  Another 4 days at that dose and retested on the 19th with a result of 112!!!!  My estrogen jumped.

I was doing the happy dance in the restaurant and of course had to call Greg right away.  This meant it was time to get back into IVF mode.  I figured I would have to go back to Loma Linda the next morning and get things started.  Well, barely 10 minutes after getting the results I get a call from Julie at the hospital.  They wanted to see me that day!  Ultrasound and all that fun stuff.  Greg takes off from work, picks me up at the restaurant and away we go...

Meet with the Doctor on call, did ultrasound and talked for a few.  I asked him, because I had been told it would go fast from this point, how fast because I was looking for a time frame.  His response, didn't think very fast at all.  Cool! Here I am thinking 2 or three weeks before retrieval, enough time to figure things out, new meds were going to be ordered which meant expenses we didn't initially prepare for. (I have a whole box of goodies, half I won't even touch now.)

Next we meet with the nurse to go over meds, talk things through and see what was going to be lined up.  Then she shows me the calendar the doctor printed up.  And that is where we both went into shock.  Retrieval is scheduled for next Wednesday, possibly Thursday of next week!!!  Yes, 10 days away!!!  Which means transfer either that Saturday or Monday following.   Here I was thinking weeks, and they are talking days.  A week from tomorrow I could be going under.

I go back on Thursday for more blood work and another ultrasound.  Praying and hoping for good results and some healthy follicles with eggs. (cluck cluck)  Meds wise I am at 225mg of Folistim (FSH) in the morning and three vials of Menopur (combo of FSH and LH) at night.  It makes for a cranky me, but I'm keeping it under control.  I can feel some pressure throughout the day but cramping is light during the day but really kicks in after each of the shots.  And after the Menopur one, I pretty much have a good 15 minutes to half hour before I fall asleep.  Good thing I don't have to take it in the morning.  I still have a slight mental block sticking myself with the needles but I know Greg will take over if I get tired of doing it.

Now that the shock has worn off I'm all excited.  I pray this is it, and we'll have a successful IVF resulting in a healthy baby.  From the lips of everyone that has been praying for us to God's ears.

I'll post again on Thursday.

So Far So Good...

This one will be short and sweet since I just had my shot and feeling a little woogie after it.  We went on Sunday to have blood drawn to check my estrogen level.  I was up from 12.2 to 26.7.  Doc has me staying on the same dose with a retest next Sunday.  Praying for higher numbers.

Otherwise I feel good outside of the initial after effects of the shot.  I've gotten back on my diet of proper eating.  Cut back A LOT on processed foods, no gluten (hard to always get that one right), I'm eating more veggies and portion control is a big thing.  As of today, I'm down 10 pounds.  I give myself one free day a week but I make sure to keep in mind, all in moderation.

Will update again next Monday or Tuesday with the next round of test results.

Scene 2, Take 1

Well, here we go again.  All I have in the back of my mind is that incessant clicking sound that the roller coaster makes when you are going uphill to the first big drop.  It shouldn't surprise me though, not like we haven't done this before.

But yet, we make the second attempt at this adventure.  We went to see Dr. Wong on Friday and after the last round of blood work, which all came back low, he is diagnosing me as hypothalamic.  Basically, that portion of my brain is not functioning properly and therefore not creating the hormones needed, hence no response last time.  Mostly this is common for women who are very active...dancers, sports, or women who are anorexic.  He was a bit surprised by the results. 

So, a second round of blood work and my levels are still low. Today I begin a new shot that is a combination of FSH and LH to do what my body isn't naturally.  This is a good thing and hopefully gives us a second chance at the IVF.  All hope is not lost yet.  Unfortunately its not just a basic shot and I have to follow this process and actually mix the solution with the pill in the other bottle and prep it myself.  It's not hard, just a bunch of steps the nurse went over with me twice that I can not remember at this moment.  Thank goodness for the bullet how-to list and a video available on the website for prepping it.

We aren't sure how long this process will take and how I will respond.  Keeping my fingers crossed my levels begin increasing to allow us to move back over to Loma Linda for the IVF try.  Hey, I'm getting good at this shot thing.  Like it, not really, but I don't freak out at the thought of poking myself.

There's that clicking sound again...

Back to the Drawing Board

I prepared myself for certain things in the beginning.  I knew the risk of implanting not working, I knew the risk of miscarriage after, I had accepted those things right from the start.  But never did I even think that it would be my own body that just didn't want to cooperate.  Silly of me to think that it would go smoothly throughout the process.  Unfortunately that wasn't in the cards.

My levels were only a measly 46, which after a week and half of shots should have been at or above 250.  The IVF cycle has been canceled.  I go back to Kaiser next week for some bloodwork and then a follow-up with the doc afterward.  Perhaps he can figure something out, see something that can easily be fixed and we can try again.  I think I can push my body a bit more.  I'm not ready to accept failure and very ready to get rid of this feeling of being broken.

Yet Another Day

What a couple of days it has been. This morning Greg and I made a trip to see Dr. Wong. The ultrasound didn't show any improvement. As he put it, things are still quiet, but he says sometimes it takes a bit longer for some women to respond. Depending on the blood work, we would know how to progress, either try a bit more or stop this ivf cycle and return to the lab to figure out what is wrong with me. I think I stumped the doctor. Not an easy task.

So we tried to get the morning moving by grabbing some breakfast and a bit of shopping before returning home. Of course it felt like it dragged. I fell asleep on the couch when they finally called. The nurse couldn't give me an accurate number of my level because the machine wasn't working properly, but doc must have saw some sign of hope because I have been given another three days of FSH, and another blood test on Tuesday morning. Hope still remains and it helps to have a doctor that doesn't give up easily.

I am more relaxed right now and spending time with Susan and Sharon at a weekend scrapbook retreat we have had planned since last October. Tonight is the pajama party and the three of us have monkey themed pj's and sock monkey dolls. Greg is enjoying the lemon festival with Chris, Maudie, Caity and Logan tonight and has to work tomorrow. I miss him lots.

I should get back to scrap booking. Praying for numbers in the 200's on Tuesday and an ultrasound to match.

Wednesday Results

This will be a short one, as I'm not feeling up to typing a whole bunch right now.  First blood work this morning since starting the Lupron and FSH injections.  My levels are still low, and I'm not responding to the FSH like I should be.  Evening injections have been increased and we'll do another blood test and ultrasound Saturday morning.

Trying to remain positive and get my stress under better control.

Rough Start to a Great Saturday

I woke up with the "I can do this" attitude today, totally prepared to begin the second part of this adventure, the dreaded shots.  Today was day 1 of the Microdose Lupron.  Small dose, small needle, and it's not like I am not familiar with needles.  Today we were going to San Diego for my Uncle's birthday and starting the fun with breakfast at Hash House a Go Go. So I was up early (not that the cats had anything to do with it, of course) and ready to start this day.

There I am in the kitchen preparing the shot.  I can do this, at least at this point I keep telling myself now.  Air check, needle into the bottle check, dosage check...wait, is there supposed to be little bubbles? Let's try this again, wash, rinse and repeat.  Well, we ended up bending the needle because the top is a rubbery type of material and kind of temperamental.   One dosage wasted, and I try again.  This time success! Now, pinch and poke!


Or so you probably thought.  Nope, not me. I felt that needle hit my skin and froze.  I couldn't do it and pretty much break out into tears.  There was Greg to the rescue.  So I'm standing there, grabbing the edge of the counter for dear life being told not to flinch.  To which I can only respond a few times over "Is it in yet?".  Yes it was.  Wait! I didn't feel it.  He is so my hero!  Off to San Diego we go.


Breakfast was great as usual but I didn't eat to much.  Having been pulled off the OC on Tuesday I was told to expect a visit from my little friend.  Didn't realize how miserable I was going to feel.  The cramps sucked, I was achey, more than usual, and definitely not my normal cheerful self.  By the time we made a stop before heading over to the house the Tylenol was finally working.

We had a great day and all spent most of the time just laughing.  I love days like that.  Those are perfect days in my book.  My evening shot went much more smoothly.  My wonderful Aunt, who is a nurse, was with me this time and encouraged me to do it myself, just talking me through it.  I am happy to say, with no tears or melt-downs to be had, I did my own injection.  Amazing how the mind can distort things cause that little needle was 3 inches long in my eyes with evil red eyes and a snarling mouth full of sharp teeth.  It turned into a monster on me, which was put to rest.


The drive home was uneventful.  I think I played Plants vs. Zombies most of the time.  Now, I have a cat to chase off the desk and it's almost 6:30am on this lovely Sunday morning.  Time to go take my medicines. 

Tired With a Side of Cranky, Add Whip Cream Please

There's actually no good reason for it, I am feeling excited on the inside.  Today's doctor appointment went great.  I got there bright and early, checked in and off I went to give away my blood.  The lab technician was a very sweet lady.  Thinking about it, so is everyone there.  I haven't met a scowling face yet.  They are a great group of people.  Back on track now...Dr. Wong came in, re-explained the change in meds, did a quick ultrasound and said everything is looking great, we are right on track.  I think he was there a whole 5 minutes.  Then next was going over all the meds, only to find out my Lupron wasn't in the shipment.  A fixable thing, it will be there tomorrow for me to pick up during lunch.  It actually worked out since they needed the microdose version and could order the proper one instead of having to mix it there. 

So, both the Lupron and the FSH shots are in the tummy. Yay for that!  It seems pretty easy enough.  Yet I say that now, get back to me Saturday morning after I do my first shot.  The FSH doesn't start till Monday and that is in one of those pen dispenser type things.  Very easy to deal with.  The needle is a little longer than I would care for but I can deal with it.  The one that terrifies me is the HSG shot.  It's given in a muscle and the needle itself is an inch and half long and thicker than the others.  Greg offered to hold my hand till I reminded him he was giving me the shot.  Any nurses or doctors close by that want to do it?  I think I'll need Greg to hold my hand during it.  Yeah, I'm a chicken.

Only one main rule, nothing strenuous, no exercise, short amounts of walking okay but have to be careful. The ovaries can twist since the FSH is increasing them in size.  (Thank goodness Disney is the day before I start the FSH.)  So out I go from the office with a box of meds feeling like my own personal pharmacy.

Next appointment is on Wednesday and that is simply for a blood draw to check my estrogen levels.  I'll get called that afternoon, notified of any dosage changes in the FSH and when my next ultrasound will be.  I can't believe how fast things are going.  I pray it will continue smoothly.  We are officially less than two weeks, give or take a day, away from retrieval.  I'm so excited.  If everything goes right, Cook baby #2 (Marvin and Michelle's 2nd) and ours will be about 4 months apart.  Playdates!!!

Now, to work on my nerves and learn to relax.
 

One Med Down!!

I'm so excited.  This morning marked my very last OC pill.  Two more days till my next appointment and four more days till I start my shots.  As of tomorrow, if all goes right, we are exactly two weeks away from retrieval.  I was so worried this month was going to drag but it seems to be going by fast.  I'm keeping busy so that helps.

Not much else to really report on yet.  Looking forward to San Diego on Saturday for Uncle Joey's birthday, and then Disney on Sunday to get in some rides while I still can.  Next weekend is the Scrapbook retreat with Susan and Sharon.  That will be a nice relaxing break before things go from fast to faster.

I'm ready for the change though.

Adventures in Barnes & Noble

Well, here I sit with Greg, Maudie, Caitlin and Logan in the wonderful bookstore of Barnes and Noble. Yes, I love my iPad. We are waiting for a discussion and signing by author Jim Butcher to begin. Our butts have been planted in these chairs now going on three hours. The crazy things we do for fun. =)

Feeling a bit woogie right now. That probably has something to do with the fact I haven't eaten lunch yet. There is pizza in my future. That will bring the smiles.

So Friday had a bit of nervous moments. After lunch, what should have been an uneventful afternoon I ended up at the dentist for an emergency visit. I noticed a dark spot on my gums while trying to get out a very annoying piece of lettuce. There is a new office down the street that takes our insurance, lucky me. So, I call and get the whole we close at three, let's see what is available Monday, what's the problem. Well no sooner I put dark spot and IVF into the same sentence, I get put on hold and then told to come right in after they get Greg's info to run the insurance. 

Lots of x-rays and and mouth photos they find a second small spot on the back side of the spot. Well, I am happy to say doc said the spot is just a discoloration, keep an eye on it and I leave with releases for my IVF doc to get permission for a routine appointment and a few cavity fillings needed.

Please let the next two and half weeks go smoothly.

I'm really bad at this. =/

It's been a very long time but I promise nothing was missed. With a slight delay and having to wait another complete cycle I didn't get my calendar until the end of March. Now though, I can say with full confidence, we are off and running. I had my first real appointment on April 5th. They did a test run of the implant to make sure that they would be able to get the catheter in to the exact spot that needed to be reached to deposit the embryos. After a few stumbles, as I'm not exactly typical, we know exactly how to approach it, the spot was reached and we have success. Following that was an ultrasound which is always fun....not.

The best part was meeting with the embryologist. We really got to go over the entire process and see pictures of what things will look like over the different stages. We even found out we'll get to see our embryos under the microscope prior to implant, and get pictures, which I find very cool.

Minor changes had to be made to the medicine cycle due my ovaries being small. Are we surprised? I think not. Like I said, I'm not typical. The good thing is it does not affect my retrieval date of April 28th. Just a different combination of the Lupron, and I will start that now on April17th.

Next appointment is on April 15th to have blood drawn, another quick exam and to go over the new medicine dosage. I'll be giving myself shots twice a day in the tummy for the Lupron, and I'm not sure where the FSH shots will be, but I think they are muscular. Looking at the positive side, that is one less week of poking myself everyday.

I'm nervous, and scared and praying like I never have before that we will be successful on the first round and that we'll be blessed with a healthy baby, boy or girl I don't care. Okay, we'd both love to have a daughter, but healthy and full term is the most important. I'm working on keeping my stress level down but that's easier said than done. I want to be bouncing off the walls excited but find myself tired most of the time and my sleep schedule is off. I'm waking up a few times a night. Maybe my body is just getting me prepared (a little early) for sleepless nights.

I have a girl's name I love, a boy's name will be a challenge as Greg would love Magnus Thor. Yeah, I'm not feeling that one. The girl's name though, I don't remember where I saw it but it was written somewhere and just bounced off the page and smacked me in the head. Liana Grace. It means "God has answered". It's important that the name has meaning. I always loved the name Lia/Leah (either spelling), and Ana has family ties on both sides, plus it's meaning....I mean it's just screaming out at me.

For now, I count down days and resist buying the cutest outfits I see. I so want to shop, lol. It's my way way of remaining positive. I know I have to be prepared for the chance it might not work the first time, but I just have this feeling in me, and I pray it's right. Little things have happened over the last 6 months that just seemed to be preparing us for this moment. It all has to mean something, right?

The Beginning...

Well, for the first time, we have answers and hope. In the upcoming weeks we'll be on this journey called IVF. I don't know the exact start date yet. There are a few things we are waiting for but once that is completed we are full speed ahead. Rather than making numerous phone calls with details every time something comes up, I will be documenting our journey here.

I know there are risks, and not to get my hopes up for it to go perfectly, but I will remain hopeful and pray to God for success and a healthy baby. In as soon as 8 short weeks, our whole world can change.