0 to 60...

Well, been awhile since I've written anything here.  Guess I should pick up where I left off.  In June we did a test priming run and it worked out well. My levels went up as they should, I made my very own little egg (insert clucking here), it did what it's supposed to do and from what the nurse told me, the Doctor did a little happy dance of his own.

From June 28th on was a whole different story.  My levels wouldn't rise even if it meant they would save my life.  From that starting point up until July 12th, no change.  I was getting frustrated because I couldn't understand why it went to smoothly last month but not this time around.  Well, starting from the 12th I went to a vial and half dose of Menopur.  Re-tested on the 15th and went from under 20 result to a result "of" 20.  Okay, didn't tell me how much I went up but that stupid sign was gone, which made me happy.  Another 4 days at that dose and retested on the 19th with a result of 112!!!!  My estrogen jumped.

I was doing the happy dance in the restaurant and of course had to call Greg right away.  This meant it was time to get back into IVF mode.  I figured I would have to go back to Loma Linda the next morning and get things started.  Well, barely 10 minutes after getting the results I get a call from Julie at the hospital.  They wanted to see me that day!  Ultrasound and all that fun stuff.  Greg takes off from work, picks me up at the restaurant and away we go...

Meet with the Doctor on call, did ultrasound and talked for a few.  I asked him, because I had been told it would go fast from this point, how fast because I was looking for a time frame.  His response, didn't think very fast at all.  Cool! Here I am thinking 2 or three weeks before retrieval, enough time to figure things out, new meds were going to be ordered which meant expenses we didn't initially prepare for. (I have a whole box of goodies, half I won't even touch now.)

Next we meet with the nurse to go over meds, talk things through and see what was going to be lined up.  Then she shows me the calendar the doctor printed up.  And that is where we both went into shock.  Retrieval is scheduled for next Wednesday, possibly Thursday of next week!!!  Yes, 10 days away!!!  Which means transfer either that Saturday or Monday following.   Here I was thinking weeks, and they are talking days.  A week from tomorrow I could be going under.

I go back on Thursday for more blood work and another ultrasound.  Praying and hoping for good results and some healthy follicles with eggs. (cluck cluck)  Meds wise I am at 225mg of Folistim (FSH) in the morning and three vials of Menopur (combo of FSH and LH) at night.  It makes for a cranky me, but I'm keeping it under control.  I can feel some pressure throughout the day but cramping is light during the day but really kicks in after each of the shots.  And after the Menopur one, I pretty much have a good 15 minutes to half hour before I fall asleep.  Good thing I don't have to take it in the morning.  I still have a slight mental block sticking myself with the needles but I know Greg will take over if I get tired of doing it.

Now that the shock has worn off I'm all excited.  I pray this is it, and we'll have a successful IVF resulting in a healthy baby.  From the lips of everyone that has been praying for us to God's ears.

I'll post again on Thursday.

So Far So Good...

This one will be short and sweet since I just had my shot and feeling a little woogie after it.  We went on Sunday to have blood drawn to check my estrogen level.  I was up from 12.2 to 26.7.  Doc has me staying on the same dose with a retest next Sunday.  Praying for higher numbers.

Otherwise I feel good outside of the initial after effects of the shot.  I've gotten back on my diet of proper eating.  Cut back A LOT on processed foods, no gluten (hard to always get that one right), I'm eating more veggies and portion control is a big thing.  As of today, I'm down 10 pounds.  I give myself one free day a week but I make sure to keep in mind, all in moderation.

Will update again next Monday or Tuesday with the next round of test results.

Scene 2, Take 1

Well, here we go again.  All I have in the back of my mind is that incessant clicking sound that the roller coaster makes when you are going uphill to the first big drop.  It shouldn't surprise me though, not like we haven't done this before.

But yet, we make the second attempt at this adventure.  We went to see Dr. Wong on Friday and after the last round of blood work, which all came back low, he is diagnosing me as hypothalamic.  Basically, that portion of my brain is not functioning properly and therefore not creating the hormones needed, hence no response last time.  Mostly this is common for women who are very active...dancers, sports, or women who are anorexic.  He was a bit surprised by the results. 

So, a second round of blood work and my levels are still low. Today I begin a new shot that is a combination of FSH and LH to do what my body isn't naturally.  This is a good thing and hopefully gives us a second chance at the IVF.  All hope is not lost yet.  Unfortunately its not just a basic shot and I have to follow this process and actually mix the solution with the pill in the other bottle and prep it myself.  It's not hard, just a bunch of steps the nurse went over with me twice that I can not remember at this moment.  Thank goodness for the bullet how-to list and a video available on the website for prepping it.

We aren't sure how long this process will take and how I will respond.  Keeping my fingers crossed my levels begin increasing to allow us to move back over to Loma Linda for the IVF try.  Hey, I'm getting good at this shot thing.  Like it, not really, but I don't freak out at the thought of poking myself.

There's that clicking sound again...

Back to the Drawing Board

I prepared myself for certain things in the beginning.  I knew the risk of implanting not working, I knew the risk of miscarriage after, I had accepted those things right from the start.  But never did I even think that it would be my own body that just didn't want to cooperate.  Silly of me to think that it would go smoothly throughout the process.  Unfortunately that wasn't in the cards.

My levels were only a measly 46, which after a week and half of shots should have been at or above 250.  The IVF cycle has been canceled.  I go back to Kaiser next week for some bloodwork and then a follow-up with the doc afterward.  Perhaps he can figure something out, see something that can easily be fixed and we can try again.  I think I can push my body a bit more.  I'm not ready to accept failure and very ready to get rid of this feeling of being broken.

Yet Another Day

What a couple of days it has been. This morning Greg and I made a trip to see Dr. Wong. The ultrasound didn't show any improvement. As he put it, things are still quiet, but he says sometimes it takes a bit longer for some women to respond. Depending on the blood work, we would know how to progress, either try a bit more or stop this ivf cycle and return to the lab to figure out what is wrong with me. I think I stumped the doctor. Not an easy task.

So we tried to get the morning moving by grabbing some breakfast and a bit of shopping before returning home. Of course it felt like it dragged. I fell asleep on the couch when they finally called. The nurse couldn't give me an accurate number of my level because the machine wasn't working properly, but doc must have saw some sign of hope because I have been given another three days of FSH, and another blood test on Tuesday morning. Hope still remains and it helps to have a doctor that doesn't give up easily.

I am more relaxed right now and spending time with Susan and Sharon at a weekend scrapbook retreat we have had planned since last October. Tonight is the pajama party and the three of us have monkey themed pj's and sock monkey dolls. Greg is enjoying the lemon festival with Chris, Maudie, Caity and Logan tonight and has to work tomorrow. I miss him lots.

I should get back to scrap booking. Praying for numbers in the 200's on Tuesday and an ultrasound to match.

Wednesday Results

This will be a short one, as I'm not feeling up to typing a whole bunch right now.  First blood work this morning since starting the Lupron and FSH injections.  My levels are still low, and I'm not responding to the FSH like I should be.  Evening injections have been increased and we'll do another blood test and ultrasound Saturday morning.

Trying to remain positive and get my stress under better control.

Rough Start to a Great Saturday

I woke up with the "I can do this" attitude today, totally prepared to begin the second part of this adventure, the dreaded shots.  Today was day 1 of the Microdose Lupron.  Small dose, small needle, and it's not like I am not familiar with needles.  Today we were going to San Diego for my Uncle's birthday and starting the fun with breakfast at Hash House a Go Go. So I was up early (not that the cats had anything to do with it, of course) and ready to start this day.

There I am in the kitchen preparing the shot.  I can do this, at least at this point I keep telling myself now.  Air check, needle into the bottle check, dosage check...wait, is there supposed to be little bubbles? Let's try this again, wash, rinse and repeat.  Well, we ended up bending the needle because the top is a rubbery type of material and kind of temperamental.   One dosage wasted, and I try again.  This time success! Now, pinch and poke!


Or so you probably thought.  Nope, not me. I felt that needle hit my skin and froze.  I couldn't do it and pretty much break out into tears.  There was Greg to the rescue.  So I'm standing there, grabbing the edge of the counter for dear life being told not to flinch.  To which I can only respond a few times over "Is it in yet?".  Yes it was.  Wait! I didn't feel it.  He is so my hero!  Off to San Diego we go.


Breakfast was great as usual but I didn't eat to much.  Having been pulled off the OC on Tuesday I was told to expect a visit from my little friend.  Didn't realize how miserable I was going to feel.  The cramps sucked, I was achey, more than usual, and definitely not my normal cheerful self.  By the time we made a stop before heading over to the house the Tylenol was finally working.

We had a great day and all spent most of the time just laughing.  I love days like that.  Those are perfect days in my book.  My evening shot went much more smoothly.  My wonderful Aunt, who is a nurse, was with me this time and encouraged me to do it myself, just talking me through it.  I am happy to say, with no tears or melt-downs to be had, I did my own injection.  Amazing how the mind can distort things cause that little needle was 3 inches long in my eyes with evil red eyes and a snarling mouth full of sharp teeth.  It turned into a monster on me, which was put to rest.


The drive home was uneventful.  I think I played Plants vs. Zombies most of the time.  Now, I have a cat to chase off the desk and it's almost 6:30am on this lovely Sunday morning.  Time to go take my medicines.